43. 1925:
Rapid City, Man.    March 25, 1925

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Dear Phelps,

Received your wire an hour ago. I am sorry it came too late. I had already pulled the wires from this end.

To give the history of my dealings with Pierce.

At Wpg. I told him, I should not wait till he got back home. I wanted to bring the book out this spring if I printed it myself. I did not want it to get into the fall rush. I repeated and repeated to him: Don't make Canadian publication dependent on foreign publication. I don't give a hang about the U.S. As for the financial benefit, I don't care. So long as I live, I can make a living when my savings are gone. If there is anything in my books, I want to see them printed, at least some of them, before I die. The rest I leave to providence or posterity or what not. If that book were the only thing I have it might be different. But already it is, for me, going the way of "The Search for America " - shortly I'll destroy it. I have, recently, finished re-reading a novel of mine called "Equal Opportunities" - also dealing with pioneer-people, but with the young ones, there. Compared with it the W.R.L.H. is a trifle - just as Over Prairie Trails + The Turn of the Year seemed trifles to me as compared with the W.R.L.H.. When I think that I have spent the better part of 7 or 8 yrs on the latter book, I could "kick myself". But it obsessed me. All this, by the way, has nothing whatever to do with "good writing" or "style" - that is a side issue. The books do not convey what I wanted them to convey; or they convey it very imperfectly. At present it seems to me no book conveys it better than "Equal Opportunities" does.

Now what did Pierce do? He sent the Ms. to Putnam - of all people! - who kept it a month and then declined.

I wired him last Monday: Former publishers wish to re-open negotiations. Undesirable to me. What are the chances with your house.

He wired back on Wednesday: Daily waiting reply from N.Y.. Shall wire result.

That result he wired last night, promising "further active steps".

I wired back: "Must decline to make Canadian publication dependent on foreign publication. If your house not prepared to publish independently, return Ms. at once.

No answer, of course. I expect the Ms. end of this week.

As for M&S I have done nothing. I am inclined to do nothing.

If I want the Ms. to travel all over the U.S. I can send it out as well as Pierce. I've been doing nothing else for a considerable time.

To my mind, by typing this thing, against my wish, Pierce has broken faith with me. I wanted him to try his house and to let me know at once if his house was not available. I don't blame the Ryerson press; it's theirs to say whether they want to print a book or not. I blame Pierce for not doing what he promised to do. He has wasted 2 mos of my time, at a time, when days count. It is too late for spring printing now. If I burn the Ms., as I probably shall, he is to blame - nobody else - or to praise.

He and others - I'm afraid, you - don't understand this. But that's my psychology. 6 years ago I'd have been glad to publish the Search . To-day I won't. If 6 years ago I had done so and had had leisure, I'd have finished the "Ant" book. Now, I'm ready to burn it as soon as I get hold of it. It may be pathological and all that. But I can't help it.

Now as for the W.L.R.H. - when I get the Ms. back, I'll read it once more. If it, then, seems to me that I still should like to see it in print, I'll print it. If not, it will go by the board.

If I print it, I'll go to work next year, at anything, even at teaching a High School, to make enough money to bring out Equal Opportunities .

It's just as with writing letters, you know. I'd like to say something to you. I write it. If I read it again, I don't send it.

There's another thing to this which may partly explain my attitude. It's this. I live under the ever present shadow of death. Not that I mind dying. But often, at night, I am suddenly firmly convinced that I have not yet another hour to live. Sometimes I call Mrs. Grove, mostly I don't. The reason, of course, is that my heart plays tricks on me. If I were a rich man, I'd go to a Sanatorium or make a trip to South America or something. As it is, I sit up in bed and worry and worry. Things like Pierce's wire last night excite me so that I do not sleep five minutes. That sort of thing has to stop. I'll either print or burn. We'll see what it is to be. But I won't be any longer at the mercy of a man with steel nerves like Pierce - or of a bounder like French.

Now I'm sorry if this all sounds as if I were scolding or lecturing you. If I read it again, I'll burn it. So I won't. For I think it might be a good thing for you to get this glimpse into the mind of one to whom imaginations are more real than realities.

By the way, I don't take drugs oftener than once a year or so - and never without medical advice.

Yours,
F.P.G.