BOOK THREE: THE DEPTHS
CHAPTER V: I BECOME A 'HAND'

 MADE many other abortive
attempts. Details seem irrelevant. One morning when I awoke my face felt strangely wet
and cold. On carefully lifting myself, penetrated as
I was with a feeling of otherworldliness, I found that
the outline of my body, as I lay in the bush, was softened
by a mound of snow. The snow had come down soft-footedly,
over night, like a benediction. I had slept through
it all; my fire had gone out. My body did not feel cold; not in the least. There
seemed such a lightness, speaking of weight as well
as of colour, in everything, that the illusion, had
it lasted, might have persuaded me that I was still
dreaming. I sank back to my bed of willow-boughs and
lay there, staring thoughtlessly at the world transformed.
Gradually, as my circulation adjusted itself to the
quickened pace of wakefulness, my face began to glow,
my ears to tingle. Infinite comfort seemed to creep
through my limbs; it was good to lie still. My worries
seemed dead and forgotten. I thought of nothing with
any degree of intensity. I seemed to review my life as you may look on at
a play when your seat is too far from the stage to
understand the words: you miss, therefore, all the
vital connections: tragedy may be a farce; comedy may
touch you with tears. I lay for hours. I was utterly
indifferent to everything except the strange feeling
of comfort, of well-being. I dozed again. Hours later, I started up. This time a wild fear
possessed me; a feeling of being hunted and tracked.
I sat and stared blankly. Everything was dripping.
The
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snow on the ground and the bushes was a mere slush.
The sun was getting in his work.
I felt my pulse. My watch had been spoiled when I
lost my raft; so I could not count the beats; but even
thus I could feel that my blood was racing through
my veins at fever-rate. I rose in terror, picked my
things up, and started to stumble blindly along the
beach. I do not know how far or how long I went. But
I know that some time during the day, when the snow
had melted and showed only here and there in patches
along the hollows of the opposite, southern bank of
the river, the sky became overcast; the usual wind
sprang up, a bleak, raw, wintry wind that drove huge
waves on the river upstream. Simultaneously, I believe,
I began to cough: a hard, dry, racking cough that brought
sharp pain to my side and the lower part of my chest.
I began to grope along the steep but low bank which
followed the curves of the beach at some little distance
from the water. I had to stop often; when the cough
caught me, I had to bend down, to support myself with
my hands on stones, roots, fallen logs. At last I found a sandy nook in this bank and lay
down again. I had not eaten all day; but I had wetted
my lips repeatedly with water from the river. The wind howled dismally through the bare stems overhead.
One of the last things which I observed was that the
river was rising fast. I slept. A fitful sleep it was,
filled with ravings and nightmares, and broken by frightful
attacks of that dry cough which seemed to shake my
body. Again I awoke with a wild start in the morning --
a start which this time sent me up on my feet. I had
to clutch at things in order not to fall. Then I saw
the river. It had risen prodigiously. It was full of
drift. But the drift consisted, not of logs and boards,
not of household articles and fruits of the field,
but of large slabs of ice which danced wildly in the
wind-lashed floods. I was beyond myself with unreasoning fear. I could not stand; I could not walk. I peered up
the
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steep bank and caught sight of the edge of a roof;
but between the house and myself rose a formidable
hedge of honey-locust with thorns like daggers, ten
twelve inches long.
I struggled up to the hedge; and then I broke or
stumbled through it, the huge thorns tearing my clothes
and lacerating my flesh with their points. I emerged
into the yard of a small farm, swept by the tearing,
icy gale. To the right stood a house. I went to the door and
knocked. A man came out, closing the door behind him. He was
in shirt and trousers only, bareheaded and barefooted;
and as he stepped out, he shrugged into the shoulder-loops
of his suspenders; he had apparently just been getting
up. His empty face expressed only horror at my sight. I swayed, And the words I spoke came in a painful
gasp. "Have you some stable?" I asked. "A
hayloft. I came down the river. I'm sick. I've got to
get out of the wind." He hastened to lead me around the house. I followed,
holding on to house and trees to steady myself and
not to fall headlong. We came to the barn. It was of
that half-open type that marks the tobacco-barn, boards
and open spaces alternating in the walls. He opened
the door. The floor was a mire of manure and trampled-up
mud. I shook
my head and waved my hand in his face. "Won't
do," I gasped, "too wet." I could see that the man was nearly scared out of
his wits. He slammed the door shut and looked about. "The smoke-house," he said; "it
isn't warm, but its dry We aren't using it." Again he led the way. The smoke-house was a tiny building opposite the
dwelling. Its walls were slatted only, but there were
all sorts of discarded things in it which offered shelter;
the floor was dry. I nodded, and the man left me. I sank down and rested. Then I began to crawl about
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on all fours, like a beast in distress, trying
to find the most sheltered spot, not by looking for
it, but by the sense of feeling only.
After a while -- I must have been lying there for
an hour or longer -- the door opened, and I saw a woman
of ample proportions, a small boy hanging on to her
skirts and peering around them, half impertinent, half
frightened. The woman looked at me. "You're pretty sick," she said. "I
bring you some broth." "Put it down," I replied. "Put
it on the floor there." And she placed it within reach of my hand. She hesitated
a moment; and then she went away. I shivered in my chill. After a while I propped myself
up, reached for the cup, drank what I did not spill,
and sank down again. I lost consciousness. Hours later I felt that I was being handled. The
woman was bending over me. "We are going to take you into the house," she
said. I offered no resistance. I did not care. But while
they laboured in supporting me across the yard, a paroxysm
of spasmodic coughing seized me; and when they stopped,
trying to uphold me, I noticed a boy hitching a very
mockery, a veritable skate of a horse to a decrepit
buckboard. I lost consciousness again. Days, maybe weeks intervened of which I know nothing. But through those weeks, scattered in, as it were,
among the fever-phantasies and nightmares of my illness,
there flit visions of a man who was deftly putting
his fingers to my chest and applying a stethoscope. Him I see very distinctly when I close my eyes. A
medium-sized, quiet, unobtrusive man in a black suit,
awkward-looking, with hard, gnarly fingers, a coarse,
angular face marked by a grey moustache, his shoulders
sloping, his neck enclosed in a stiff, very white,
but home-laundered fold-back collar with a ready-made
black bow
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tie -- the kind that fastens with a rubber-loop
and a crescent-shaped pasteboard shield.
A homely figure; ridiculous in its stiff clothes
which are too large; I cannot help laughing when I
think of him and how he looked; but the laughter is
undershot with tears; a strange lump rises in my throat.
No offence is meant, doctor, if I laugh at you! Believe
me, I bow down to the very earth and touch the ground
with my brow! A consultation took place. I was conscious again
by that time of what was going on around me; I was
very, very weak; so weak that I could not move my hand
without help. There were
three men in the room. "My" doctor
and two others, slick and competent-looking men who
fairly dwarfed my doctor as they applied their instruments
to my chest. I wondered. A weird
conversation took place in which formidable and
learned words caught my ear; words like "hyperresonant
rather than hyporesonant" -- "hematogenic" -- "peribronchial",
and others. "My" doctor hardly took part in the discussion;
with an apologetic smile he listened; and as I watched
his face, I could see, now agreement, now disagreement
under that smile. His whole mind seemed to become transparent
to my eyes. When one of the young men wound up with, "The
prognosis is bad, if not hopeless. Don't you agree,
doctor?" he shrugged his shoulders; his smile seemed
to become ever so slightly ironic. The young men took their leave with elaborate, formal
courtesy which but thinly disguised their contempt
for their homely colleague who thanked them humbly
for their help. As soon
as they were gone, "my" doctor
got busy. It was the first time that I consciously
heard him talking. I remember every word. "Oh, these young doctors," he said. "They
have had so much more of a chance than I ever had!
They know so much more! They are so much abler! They
have so much more confidence in their diagnosis!
When I went to
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college,
we did not have half the opportunities! We were
sent out very inadequately equipped indeed. But
I am going to wager on Nature. I am going to help
Nature along the slightest little bit. I am going
to give her a chance to get in her work."
And he rolled me over on my side and bared my back. "Now, my dear young man," he went on. " I am going
to hurt you. I am going to push a pretty stout needle
in between your ribs. Here it is," and he showed me. "As
I said, it is going to hurt; but I cannot help that.
The more it hurts, the greater the hope for you. Pain
is not pleasant, I know; but it is an attribute of
life." He was working with wonderfully deft fingers on my
back, at the lower edge of the ribs. Those gnarled
hands of his were not clumsy. The smell of ether struck
my nostrils; he was squirting it at the skin of my
back. And then, suddenly, I felt him gather a lump
of flesh in one sure unfailing hand, a hand that knew
what it was about -- and the next moment the other
hand pushed the needle through that upgathered flesh,
in between the ribs and through my body. And from my
lungs there detached itself, against my will, a yell
of pain. I heard the doctor's quiet, reassuring laugh. "Good," he said, "fine!
Why, there must be a great reserve of strength
left if you can still yell that way. One day you
are going to be a noted athlete yet. The pain is
all over now. Of course, it does not feel natural
to have that needle in your chest. But it will
take only a few more minutes. Only a very few minutes
now. I am working the aspirator." And thus
he talked on; and at last he said, "Now
one more second. I am going to withdraw the needle
and then you will be all right; on the road back to
health and strength if Nature wills it." I sank into a sleep; and when I awoke, the pain was
gone. From that day dated my recovery. One morning when
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the doctor called I tried to speak; but he laid
his hand on my mouth.
"Not yet, my friend," he said. "Not
yet. To-morrow maybe. You are doing fine. Soon, soon
we are going to sit up. But not yet. And no talking
yet. But the time is coming fast." I began to take note of my surroundings. I was still
in that house on the riverbank. I was lying on a wide,
soft bed opposite an open window through which the
wintry air came in, pleasantly cold. Snow was on the
ground and lay in heavy layers on the branches of an
evergreen outside. There were goings and comings into
the room, and gradually I realized that I was lying
in the kitchen of a two-roomed house. I do not know
how the next bit of information reached me; but I found
out that this family of four with whom I was staying
had moved into the parlour. I was lying in the one
bed which they owned. They were sleeping on straw spread
on the floor, there, in their dingy parlor. The fat
woman was nursing me under the doctor's direction.
The whole household had reorganized itself with this
one view, to save me from dying. Poverty was written
all over the place; but I lacked nothing that might
be needed. A thought began to puzzle me. One day I asked the
doctor when he sat on the edge of my bed. "Doctor," I said in a thin, strange voice, "who's
paying for all this?" "Don't think of that," he said. "Get
well first. You are among friends." When he had gone, I beckoned the fat woman to come. "Who is paying for all this?" I
whispered. She smiled. "Doctor Goodwin says
you are not to worry." "But I do," I
replied. "Well, don't," she admonished. "We'd
be willing to do it for the Lord, but the doctor
won't let us." So I knew.
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"Why do you do all this?" I
asked the doctor the next time. He smiled
his deprecating smile. "Your case has been
interesting," he said. "I am always glad to take on
a case from which I can learn. "I am a tramp, doctor" I said on another occasion. "Just
a common tramp." "You're not," he replied. "Don't
do an injustice to yourself. You may have been tramping,
but you are not a tramp. There's a difference." "How do
you know?" "I can tell," he said; "and
what does it matter?" Then, as my strength returned, we talked. "Our policy is at fault," he said. "We
lose sight of the immigrant. But I suppose it is
the same all over the world." "It is, and it isn't," I
replied. He looked a question. "Who would
think of going to England,
to France, to Sweden -- anywhere," I
argued, "without carefully laidout plans and prearranged
connections?" "Yes," he agreed, "there
is something in that. We invite the immigrant.
We tell him, Come and you will find freedom and
economic independence. And when he follows the
call, we turn him loose to shift for himself." "You even
forbid him to make arrangements beforehand. And
think of the countless thousands who do not even
know the language of the country." "I know," he said. "I've
sometimes thought of that. Unless they gather in
alien communities, they become a prey to sharp
practice." "And it is the one who comes in good faith who suffers
most," I went on. "You match two men for a fight. One
you strip of his weapons; the other one you leave fully
equipped. " The doctor
got up. "Don't rub it in," he
said. But I did. "And
because they are foreigners, you turn them over
to the scoffing derision of thoughtless ignorance.
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No wonder you remain foreign to them. Yet they,
too, have made part of America."
"Yes," he said. "In
one sense they have." "Are you done with tramping?" he
asked when I had told him part of what I have told
in this record. "No," I said, "I
have only begun. So far I have drifted. After this
I want to drive." "I think I understand," he smiled. "But
you can't go on now. You will have to lay off for
the winter." "If I can
find work." "Don't worry.
Get well. We have provided for that." I wondered
who "we" might be;
but I did not ask. I was sitting up again. I was relearning to walk.
My recovery was rapid; the doctor's calls became rarer;
I missed them. One day, he took me out for a ride in his buggy.
It was a mild winter day; gratefully I drew the air
into my healing lungs. I waited for him in his vehicle
whenever he entered a house to make a call. All his
calls were made in poor country-houses -- his clientele
was not among the well-to-do nor in the nearby town. Then, on our way back, he broached the subject which
he had been pondering. "I don't know," he said, "how
you feel about it. We have a mill in town, a veneer-factory.
How are you with tools?" I laughed. "Give
me a hammer and a nail, and you can rely on my
hitting the wrong one. But it doesn't matter." "The druggist, too," he said, "is
looking for a clerk." "No," I said, "no
selling for me. Let it be the mill. I'd like to
try out what it is to be a hand." "Well," he replied "I've
spoken to the manager. They are shorthanded all
the time. We'll fix you up." "Will they
take the vagrant?" "You are
no vagrant now. You have a roof over-head."
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"Doctor," I said inconsequentially, "what
is the difference between a jail-bird and a respectable
man?" "The respectful man is forehanded," he replied, looking
puzzled. "He has an intenser fear of the future and
a greater desire for manifold things." "True," I said; "you
might add, a greater dependency on the judgment
of his neighbours. But that was not what I meant." "Morally speaking?" he
asked. "Ethically," I
nodded. "None, necessarily," he answered. "It
all depends." "Doctor," I laughed, "you
are an anarchist. I have suspected for some time
that all really good people are anarchists." He, too,
laughed. "Of sorts," he agreed. "But
the really intelligent man, no matter who he is,
longs for one thing above all." "What is that?" I
asked. "Production." "I have lived off the land," I
objected. "A child," he said sententiously, "is
entitled to his infancy." I felt very grateful for that word. "The Abraham Lincolns
live all around." I added after a while "Who are they?" he
asked. "You are one of them," I
said. He frowned quizzically, but kept silent. And so we returned to what, for the time being, was
my home. A week or two later he dropped in again. I was walking
in the yard, looking down on the frozen river, when
he pulled his pony in. I smiled and went to meet him. "Get your coat," he said. "Jump
in. I want to show you something." We drove to town. At the edge of the village he stopped
in front of a tiny house; he tied his horse. "Come on," he said, "I've
got the key."
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The tiny house held one room, eighteen by eighteen
feet. There was a small stove, a bed with a mattress and
a blanket, a plain deal table, and one chair. "I'll charge you two dollars a month for rent," he
said. "The stove costs two and a half. You owe for
it at the hardware store. The bed was given by one
of the bankers who wants to be nameless. Table, chair,
and blanket are mine, to be returned when no longer
needed. You will want some dishes, maybe, and similar
things. I am going on your security at the general
store. As for fuel, I advise to get half a ton of coal
at the yard. That will set you back another two dollars;
but it will be cheaper than gathering drift, for you
will need to husband your strength. You better stay
right here now. To-morrow we shall go to the mill.
My office is across the road. You might call there
at nine o'clock." "But I cannot leave those people without thanking them
or saying good-by," I objected. "Well," he said, "they
wanted it so. You will see them later." Thus, that day, I set up a bachelor's establishment. Next morning we went down to the mill by the river. I was bewildered when we entered the huge brick building
-- bewildered by the roar of machinery and the great number
of men handling logs, planks, and all kinds of timber in
all stages of finish or lack of finish. But more than anything
else one thing struck me: these men who were, so it
seemed, mere parts of the intricate machines they fed
did not seem to mind it in the least: they had time
to joke and to laugh. Doctor Goodwin led me
into a small room on the ground-floor, a room which was
partitioned off from the rest of the building, but
which nevertheless seemed to shake with the pulse of the
work. He bade me wait while he went away, upstairs. After a while he returned, accompanied by a tall,
fleshy man of truly senatorial proportions. This man
moved about in a detached sort of way, as if he did
not
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care where he was or went; but on closer observation
I saw that his alert little eyes were shooting about
in all directions.
"Well," he said when he entered, "so
this is the young man?" And he looked
at me with a humorous flicker in his grey-blue
eyes. "We can always use an additional hand," he
said with a note of irony and the slightest possible
emphasis on the last word. "The doctor tells me you
are long on brains and short on muscle?" "I am afraid," I said, "as
far as the muscles are concerned, the doctor is
right." "Well," he went on, "as it happens, we need a fellow
with an ounce or so of brains just now. In the glue-room.
Things are not going there as they should. We make
veneers, you know. But we also sell table tops and such
things ready veneered. That is a side-line with us,
lately introduced. And somehow it has not been a success.
We are always behind our orders, way behind. And we are
thinking of dropping the whole department for lack
of the right kind of a man. It is not a nice place
to work in. It is hot, there. Everything needs to be
hot. Glue does not smell like perfume, either." And
he paused with an ironical, questioning inclination
of his head. "Never mind," I said; "where
others can work, I can, I suppose." "That's the spirit," he replied, still with his ironical
drawl. "There are three hands working there now. But
they are mere boys. They don't have much sense of responsibility.
Naturally, we have to draw on the town for our help;
and the glue-room is not popular. The best men do not
care to go down there. But if I put you in, I should
expect you to see to it that we catch up with the work.
Three men should be able to keep the store room empty.
But one of them has to be the boss. Of course, I cannot
engage you as foreman of a department. You will have
to start in on the wages of a helper. But
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unless you
make yourself the boss, you know, you can be of
no use to the mill."
Again he
paused questioningly. He spoke very much "de-haut-en-bas".
But that, I found later, was his way with everybody,
even with his fellow-citizens of high standing in the
town. I smiled
ruefully. "Well, sir," I said, "I
suppose you know all about myself. I am afraid I
shall disappoint you." "The work does not need to be hard," he went on. "It
is a case of using an ounce of brains or so." "It is not that," I said. "But
will the boys obey a man who is new in the country?" "Well," he drawled, "if
it is any comfort to you, I will tell you this.
The best worker we have at present -- I mean by
that, the man who is most anxious to do an honest
day's work for a day's wages -- is a Russian who
has been in this country only four months. He is
just beginning to pick up his first words of English.
He has no education, either. In fact, he can neither
read nor write. He was quite unskilled when we
shipped him out from Pittsburg.
He is kiln-boss now." "If you will risk it," I
said. He turned and looked out into the machine-floor. He
raised a finger to a man who was walking about, there,
inspecting the work of the roaring machines. A shout
would not have availed out there. The man came, deferential in his bearing. "Mansfield," said the
manager, "this man here -- his name is Branden --
will report to-morrow morning for work in the glue-room.
See me about him later on. Better show him around." "All right, sir," replied
the foreman. And with a brief nod the manager turned away; and
Doctor Goodwin followed
him. Mansfield, a short man with
quick, shifty-looking eyes in an elderly, colourless face,
beckoned to me to follow him as he began to thread
his way among the machines. When he came to an elevator-shaft, he
stopped and pressed a
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button. The
open platform of the elevator began to descend.
It was encumbered with two low-wheeled trucks loaded
with "cores" of worm-eaten chestnut wood. We descended. It was cool down there, in that huge
store-room of the basement. Cores of various sizes,
similar to these on the trucks, were piled all around
to the height of the ceiling. The whole centre of this
basement was occupied by long strips of veneers of
quarter-sawed oak, mahogany and poplar. "Arrears," said Mansfield,
pointing with a sweep of his arm, and he laughed. "Need
a boss here to catch up." We went along one of the main aisles, ducking under
swinging belts and whirling shafts. Even down here Mansfield had
to speak at the top of his voice in order to make himself
understood. Then we came to the glue-room. Intense heat struck
us like a blow when we entered. Wide racks of hot steampiping
were loaded with cores. Veneers were spread on long,
shelf-like desks. A huge hydraulic press occupied the centre
of the room. Along the far wall glue boiled in steam-jacketed pots.
The smell was certainly not like perfume; more like
that of burning fishbones. Three young boys were working here, none of them,
more than fifteen or sixteen years old. They scanned
me with curious looks. We left the room through a door at the opposite end. "Can't get a decent man to take hold here," said Mansfield. "It's
the heat and the smell." "I don't mind," I said, "but
I don't know anything about the work." "You'll learn," he
replied. "When do
I start?" "At six
sharp, second whistle." I was a factory-hand.
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